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Self-editing webinar - members only

Hello folks

We've got another self-editing webinar coming up on 6 July at 19:00 (UK time.)

If you want to submit some work for me to RIP APART WITHOUT MERCY then:

a) Mwah-hah-hah. I look forward to feasting on your bones

b) Please give me a chunk - maximum 300 words - in the comments below. Please include your name (or I'll just use your Townhouse handle.) Also the title of the piece, and just one short sentence telling us what kind of book it is. (Plus something about the set up of the snippet, if we need to know.)

I won't be able to use everything. In the past, I've been able to get through 3-4 pieces in the hour.

Please don't submit your work below if you're not a JW member: we won't be able to use it.

Please also don't submit your work unless you are comfortable having it discussed publicly, cos public discussion is exactly what's gonna happen.

All clear? Yes? No?

Yes! Tremendous. Look forward to seeing you there.

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    • Hello, Steve Johnson here,

      TITLE. Greenwicker Cricket Club, season 2017.

      Social commentary. Opening chapter.

       

                                                                OPENING FIXTURE

                                              GREENWICKER     V     THE KINGS HEAD

                                                         SATURDAY 13TH MAY 2017

                                                 

                                                          DUNCAN NOTTINGHAM        

                                                                      CAPTAIN


      'Duncan, Duncan, Duncan,' pleaded Duncan Nottingham. 'Tails you stay, heads you emigrate.' Duncan counted like NASA from five, and tossed a pound coin. His coin clipped the living room mirror and landed in a three-quarter-full coin jar. He knelt. In the jar laid two pound coins, one on tails, the other heads. 

        To Duncan, the one-one result, meant fate was as indecisive as him, and he wouldn't let fate duck its responsibly. Without looking down, he nudged the jar with his knee, and kept nudging and not looking, until clinking convinced him of a shift. He peered. Still one tails, one heads. On a patient breath, Duncan shuffled to the sunflower on the coffee table. He held the stem and plucked a petal, 'I'm staying,' he picked another, 'I'm emigrating.' He sneezed. Hay fever.

        Duncan collapsed onto his back and examined the ceiling where the bath-shaped water stain lived. He imagined a giant pound coin split the ceiling, then a huge hand, his wife's, catch the coin. She tossed the coin, with him on it, and he spun out of the house. He flew above the lush Greenwicker cricket ground, crossed the Channel, and landed in a muddy football pitch in Poland. 

        Duncan shuffled back to the jar and shook out the change. In the pile, stood a lone fifty pence. He put the coin on his thumb. 'Five, four, three, three and a half...'  

        At that moment, his wife Serafina, speedway skidded onto their drive. She looked back at the wide furrow of displaced gravel and whistled. She sucked in her face-cheeks and removed her helmet. 

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      • Title:  MARKED WITH THE CROSS OF LORRAINE by Laura Fuster

        The first book in my two-book FIGHTING FATE series, it’s a YA historical action/adventure set in 1940 London and war-torn occupied France. 

        Chapter 1:  Losses

        Enrique’s eyes flew open, dissolving the blaring siren.  He bolted upright, his heart thumping, and listened; but the only sounds were the slow, rhythmic breaths of the four still asleep.  He sighed.   Just another dream. 

        He threw his blanket off and climbed out of bed; it would be a long time before he’d be able to go back to sleep.  He snatched the windup travel clock from the sill of the blacked-out window and tiptoed over to the tiny nightlight—one thirty, maybe tonight, they’d be lucky and the planes wouldn’t come.

        He looked down into the crib where his infant sister lay sound asleep, the sock puppet he had made for her during the voyage clutched in her arms.  As he watched, a little smile creased her lips and her eyelids began to flutter as she enjoyed some pleasant dream.  He bent over and kissed her forehead, careful not to wake her.  

        He turned to walk back to his bed when the sudden screech of the siren jerked his head towards the window and sent his heart rate skyrocketing.  Seconds later, Elena was climbing up the bars of the crib, screaming bloody murder.

        ‘Está bien, Elena’, he shouted as he ran to the clothes he had staged at his footboard. Jumping into an old pair of baggy woollen trousers, he nearly fell over as his foot caught in the gas mask flopping at the belt loop.  Without removing his pyjama top, he threw his secondhand jumper over his head and pushed up the dangling sleeves as he stuffed his sockless feet into the tattered leather shoes lying under his bed.   Then he hurried back for his little sister.

        Her flushed cheeks glistened in the weak glow of the nightlight as he scooped her into his arms.  Bundled in a thick yellow sleeper in anticipation of this now all too frequent emergency, she should be warm enough in the crisp, late September air; but just in case, he grabbed her blanket, along with her red and blue Mickey Mouse gas mask.  

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        • The opening of a short story, in which things do not turn out to be quite what they appear.  It is (perhaps) in the speculative fiction genre and is set in the present day.


          Joe Cortanna

          Just one hour ago, I had been warm and calm and comfortable, swaddled like a baby, high in the skies in my aluminum cradle.  From LA to JFK, I had boozed and snoozed across the continental divide until the thump of the wheels on the runway cleared my gin fogged head.  Now, driving north on Broadway, the billboards whispered to me in the darkness of the night.  No PowerPoint needed, they pitched their deal in compelling fonts of pink and neon, their unique selling point a fragile, desperate promise of intimacy amongst the city millions.  As I left the rental in a parking lot, the pavement released its heat into the late evening, filling my nostrils with the acrid taste of cement dust. I set off towards the brightness of the lights, ready to settle amongst the other moths, thirsty to drink the nectar of companionship.

                     I was on my third Manhattan when the blonde breezed by - her sky-high heels heartache red to match her lips, hair tumbling onto her shoulders in a way that made Niagara look like a shy rain shower. She paused and then poured herself onto the bar stool next to me.

                      ‘Hello, stranger.’

                      I was not surprised. My Alan David suit, Gucci diamond cuff links and old school Paul Molé razor cut all signalled - 'I have it all -- come flutter with me'.

                      ‘What will it be?’ I said.

                      She let me take in the full view before replying.

                      I added up the numbers.  She was just under six feet in her four-inch Jimmy Choo stilettos.  Waves of blonde hair lapped gently on her shoulders.  Her Pearl Rose cut-out tulle gown did not so much clothe as embrace and caress her perfect hourglass figure.

                      ‘Vodka, straight, one ice cube.’


          For the full story, see here.


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          • Just joined JW, so this would be an ordeal of fire if it got selected for discussion!

            This is the prologue for a thriller, The Thirteenth Voice: After nuclear catastrophe, twelve strangers survive in a secret bunker. But as they struggle to adapt, a master manipulator emerges and no one is safe. 

            NOW

            She looks at the live feed. Thankfully, all the dead in the lobby are hidden in bundles of clothes, and it looks more like the aftermath of a wild party than the apocalypse. 

            Outside, the end of Broad Street holds its abandoned vehicles, litter blowing in the breeze. In the corner of the wall of the Sheldonian, under the stern stone faces carved on the columns, some rubbish is stirring. She watches it for a moment, a GAP bag catching a gust and circling up before dropping back to the pavement and starting again. It’s mesmerising. It seems almost alive, dancing in the breeze. She watches as it pulses, enjoying the unpredictability of it. Her mind begins to wander, thinking of the days when plastic bags were in the hands of the shoppers, the days when she wasn’t the only living person in Oxford. She may doze. She has nothing else to worry about right now. The plastic swirls. It’s the only movement on the screen, and something about it stirs a memory, long buried. She frowns, the fuzziness of sleep evaporating. What does this remind her of? It’s giving her the feeling of a strong emotion, as a song might remind you of an old boyfriend or a sad film. 

            Why? 

            She sits forwards, examining the movement. What is it that this bag reminds her of? She stretches out her mind, digging into the past, and nearly hooks something, but it’s a slippery thing. She closes her eyes, seeing the image now only in her memory. It lifts and dives, and she is hurting. Aching with loss and the ultimate betrayal. She can feel the pain in her chest. 

            Her eyes fly open just as the bag catches a bigger gust and sails off down the street, gone forever. 

            She remembers.

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            • Hi Harry, I'm Jason.

              Here's a submission for the editing webinar!

              Title: The Broken Ballad of Mr Tallywhacker

              A dark comedy adventure set in a fairytale land

              300 words of story beginning:

              Percy’s mood was one of disquieting melancholy, as though he was emotionally prepared for the impending tragedy. All that morning the gloom had filled him, and his mind was awry with unwelcome insights; the most poignant of which seemed to be centred on his specific reason for living. At first he attributed these thoughts to a fourteen hour sleep, that, even by his lethargic standards was unusually long. He paced around the wooden floor of his bedroom, pondering the purpose of his existence, which was a deeply troubling notion to consider. After much deliberation he could find no definitive reasoning for his being, and so, dissatisfied, he huffed and lay fully dressed on his bed, crossing his booted feet. Here, he dreamt up various scenarios that would cause his life to expand with meaning and adventure. The permutations of his own mind took him by surprise, and he found himself drifting away in a seamless transition of unrelated hypothesised events, all of which culminated in the conclusion of adventure being a dangerous proposition.

              What is adventure, anyway, but a troublesome disturbance, he thought. It was a disturbance that he was often disturbed by; the thoughts often creeping up on him like a shadow at dusk, and something deep inside of him knew life held more possibilities than the lonely existence he had lived. He was eighteen years old, and yet the bountiful lust of youth seemed to have passed him by without a care. Lifting himself from the mattress he moved to the window, where his thoughts drifted to the previous summer.


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